May 7, 2021

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“Happy Earth Day,” Jimmy Fallon said on Thursday’s Tonight Show. “Everyone’s in the spirit. This morning at 7-Eleven I saw a rat drinking a Big Gulp with a metal straw,” and “Subway recycled last week’s tuna.”

“President Biden hosted 40 world leaders for a virtual climate change summit,” Fallon said. “With any virtual event, you’re gonna have some technical glitches, but I didn’t think it’d be quite this bad,” he added. “Somehow we just flew a helicopter on Mars but we still can’t get a Zoom meeting to work. Next time every leader will be required to have at least one grandchild present. It’s funny that we were watching Putin and he didn’t know he was on camera, because usually it’s the other way around. “

“Humans celebrating Earth Day is like fleas celebrating Dog Day,” Jimmy Kimmel joked at Kimmel Live. “There’s actually something to celebrate today, though,” because Biden “announced that the Unites States will cut our carbon emissions in half by the year 2030 — which is huge, because the science is absolutely clear that it’s necessary to avoid a worldwide catastrophe. No one should be against this, so naturally almost every Republican is against this.”

Biden’s ambitious climate plan “can be met only by sharply cutting back oil, gas, and coal use,” Stephen Colbert said at The Late Show. “That’s gonna be rough on Santa. ‘Ho ho ho, Katie! You’ve been naughty but coal’s canceled, so here’s the Snyder cut of Cats.'” Meanwhile on Mars, NASA’s Perseverance rover just successfully turned carbon dioxide into oxygen, he noted. Because “when you think of planets in desperate need of a way to deal with excess carbon dioxide on Earth Day, you think Mars.”

“Rough day for Earth Day, for the planet,” James Corden said at The Late Late Show. “We’ve been giving so much attention to Mars recently, I’d really like it if we all just spend these next couple of days just really making it special for Earth.” During Biden’s virtual summit, “Vladimir Putin was adamant we cannot keep killing the planet — only journalists and political rivals. Not everyone was thrilled about the summit, though,” he said. “Earlier today, climate activists dumped over a dozen wheelbarrows of cow poop in front of the White House to protest Biden’s climate plan as bulls–t. … Subtle.”

Corden and Kimmel dryly reminded everyone the Oscars are Sunday, and The Late Show created a mock cinematic preview. Watch below. Peter Weber

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