May 8, 2021

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Senate Republicans vote to keep their mostly symbolic ban on earmarks

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“Tomorrow, President Biden and 40 other world leaders are kicking off a big virtual climate summit,” Jimmy Fallon said on Wednesday’s Tonight Show. “They’re meeting virtually because of the pandemic, otherwise they would have flown 40 different private jets to a meeting about the climate. The guest list includes Vladimir Putin, Bill Gates, Pope Francis, and one very stressed-out IT guy.”

The Late Late Show‘s James Corden, after wishing the queen a happy birthday, tried to make a joke about Biden cutting hot air emissions, and it mostly went nowhere.

Los Angeles once again has the dirtiest air in the country, Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. “All the benefits of us not driving during the pandemic were wiped out by the wildfires caused by climate change, which was caused by all the driving we did before the pandemic. It’s what you call a Catch 2022.”

Lots of people spoke out after a Minneapolis jury convicted Derek Chauvin of murdering George Floyd, Kimmel said, “but none spoke less eloquently than Tucker Carlson of Fox News,” who “had a little explosion in his head” when a guest unexpectedly criticized Chauvin. MyPillow guy Mike Lindell, a Kimmel Live guest next week, “he’s bananas all the time, he’s consistent,” Kimmel said. “Tucker Carlson just lets little bursts of it slip out, like the Joker or something. Meanwhile, the Penguin, Chris Christie, may be throwing his top hat in the ring.”

Christie “thinks he might do well in the polls, as long as None of the Above doesn’t run again,” Seth Meyers joked at Late Night. After the Chauvin denouement, “Tucker Carlson claimed the jury was intimidated into the guilty verdict by the protests and the Black Lives Matter movement — which is frustrating for Carlson, because he put a lot of work into intimidating that jury.”

Meanwhile, “there’s big science news out of Texas, where a Republican state legislator wants to legalize deer cloning,” so ranchers can breed bigger hunting prey, Stephen Colbert noted at The Late Show. “One Texas rancher says he’s cloned somewhere between 35 and 40 deer over the past decade. So, there are a bunch of deer clones out there already? You know what this means? Texas is about to open Deerasic Park. ‘Don’t move, or they’ll nibble your hydrangeas!'”

The Late Show also turned that story into an animated Bambi Returns: The Clone Wars. Watch below. Peter Weber

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