April 20, 2021

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Breaking news: Mariah Carey is “actually a vampire.” Or so she claimed, after getting her first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine on camera and failing to bleed as she’d expected. In the video, a visibly nervous Carey chattered over her nurses’ “medical narrative,” describing how Prince was with her “in spirit” and how “I just talk and don’t really think about it.” Finally, the nurse instructed Carey to relax — “I’m filming, that’s the problem, I’m in my filming stance!” Carey frantically explained. Upon at last receiving her shot, Carey released a piercing high screech that probably achieved exactly the opposite of her intended purpose of reassuring fans that the vaccine is no big deal. After her inoculation, Carey marveled that there was “no blood! Is that normal?” For Nosferatu, sure. [Instagram]

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